Saturday, March 24, 2012

I'm so tired...

I don't know why I'm even writing this. I'm so terribly tired. Maybe venting about it will help me sleep. In all seriousness, I haven't been sleeping well. It seems like the only time I do sleep is when it's drug induced. Mmm muscle relaxers... They may "help me" sleep, but it's not a good, refreshing slumber. For the past week, I've probably slept an average of 1 to 3 hours a night. I don't know why!! The pain hasn't been terrible. (knocking on wood) The pain levels are nothing I haven't dealt with before. I just honestly can't drift off. I wake up constantly, either hot or my head is doing its normal pain dance. My husband & I sleep with a fan on & the windows open. So it's not actually "hot" in the boudoir. The worst part is I'm keeping the Hubby up too. My tossing & turning, tosses him too! I feel so guilty. If I knew why I'm an insomniac, I wouldn't feel this much regret!!

I'm not going to turn to medications either. I'm sick of taking them & who knows if it will even help?  Also, I only drink 2 cups of coffee in the morning. I don't drink anything else all day w/ caffeine. I haven't changed my diet. I've ruled everything else out. It's almost like my "sleep switch" is stuck in the off position. Something inside me is stopping me from meeting the Sandman on my pillow each night.

I just don't get it. Im TIRED darn it!!  Physically my body is giving up, I'm exhausted. Literally seconds away from being clinically insane. I'm delirious. I laugh at the stupidest things... I'm just torn. I hope things turn around, or I'm going to... I don't even know. Go insane?! Lol!

Here's to some sweet dreams

K8 =]


Victoria said...

You know sleep deprivation was used and is used as a form of tourture! So it's no wonder we all feel awful when we don't sleep. I find this really hard too - esp as the migraines really break any normal sleep pattern. And often pain is too much to do meditation etc, though like you I've tried relaxation meds and sleeping pills which I do find help get me back into a pattern. Everyone always says you HAVE to get up at the same time each morning NO MATTER WHAT - and that clinical studies of the chemicals in our brains etc etc have shown this to be the best way - but if you're in pain this is not so easy! I was just given a massive page long advice sheet by a Doctor about sleep - most of the usual stuff, I'll pass on anything I find useful! I was surprised that he suggested we all should go to bed later - i.e get to bed for midnight, lights off by midnight and then spring up at 7am. But try doing that when you're in pain. Basically wanted to say I completely understand and empathise! You'll get there! I rely on audio books to keep me sane- and imagine I have jet lag. This makes it less of an 'issue'.

Kate "Katetastrophe" Chappell said...

Thanks for the info! Yes, it is really hard to feel "sane" when I feel like a zombie! Lastnight was a little better. I slept for 5 hours!!!! YAY!!! I don't know what I did differently either... I'm still physically drained & hoping more sleep comes! I'm going to try to set a schedule this week of getting up @ 8am, & bed before midnight. Hopefully it'll work!
K8 =]