I AM SOO SOORRYY!!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!! (that is my crazy old lady Fudge)

I know, I know I haven't been the best blogger lately... I'm not going to make excuses either. I'll just tell you the truth. I have been in this downward spiral of depression. I got that way because every time I go to the doctor I have a new ailment, or issue to overcome. I have exhausted all medical treatments. (meaning drugs)Basically, I have been on every freaking headache drug there is, and my doctor told me "I don't know what to do next." I tried to find a pain management doctor, but lo and behold ALL THE DOCTORS IN MY AREA DON'T TAKE MY INSURANCE!!! See why I get a Lil frustrated?? I would have to drive 2 hours away, and wait 6 months for an appointment... GRRR!!!

Not only that but I haven't been feeling all to well either. Chronic headaches stink, and I don't wish them on my worst enemy. Wait, maybe I do....;-)

Anyway, I've been OK lately. Trying to stay positive, and thinking good thoughts. Its been rough 3 years, but I know there is something out there that will help, there HAS TO BE!!!

I wanted to say a huge THANK YOU to all of you that read this, comment, send me your well wishes, or anyone out there that goes through this. It highly encourages me to keep this up, and brightens an other what gloomy day. I wanted to do this for that reason alone; to find other people like me, and to share the "inside" scoop. I promise I'll be back!!!

I"ve Been Ok...

I have been dealing the best I can lately. Been lumping around the house, doing the usual cleaning, and crocheting. I've also kept up with the swimming. (as long as the weather holds out!) It has been a really cold summer, only one day above 90 degrees!! Lately we haven't even broke 80, and rain, rain, RAIN!!

Anyway, I went to my general care practitioner on Friday. I got so upset about being in pain for 4 weeks straight!! Sometimes constant all day pain, then others lighter, and starting after 6pm. So lo and behold... PREDNISONE!! (the dreaded steroid) Yup 16 days on that... eating and drinking everything in sight!! Also my doctor decided to try anti depressants. That's the only road I haven't gone down, drug wise.

MY FINGERS ARE CROSSED!!!

End Of the Road!!!

With everything I have been going through the past 2 almost 3 years, my motivation for treatment is really starting to fade. I feel like I am at the end of the road, with no turn off for help visible. I hate telling people, "I don't work. I'm on disability." Telling people why is the hardest... "Oh it is just a headache" is the response I get ALL THE TIME! Ummm, actually no. It isn't JUST A HEADACHE!!!! They never seem to realize that and think I am just using the system.


I don't know whats wrong with me. I guess I am just still overwhelmed, and under appreciated. I'm scared most of all that I'll have to live with this condition for the rest of my life with no help in sight. I feel like I'll be in constant pain for many years to come...

So I guess this is just another bump in my long road, I'll get over it. I know so! :) Until next tuesday.....

Exercise Me

Well its official! I have finally gotten my butt into gear, and finally started an exercise regime. I am so excited!!! I'll be blunt, I am not skinny by any means. I am a big girl and always have been for as long as I can remember. I don't think I am obese, but yet I've got a few extra pounds. I am almost 5 foot 9, and a size 16. You get my drift now...

Like I have stated before, I recently moved at the end of March. With this fabulous new apartment, I have the access to an in ground pool. Well, that it just heavenly to me!! ok, ok, back on track here.... I have been swimming my little heart out, every day that it gets over 70 degrees. (also the water temperature has something to do with it too!) I basically get out all of my frustrations, and do laps. Its something I have never pictured my self doing! But somehow I just DO it!

The best part is (other than already loosing 10 pounds!) is that I FEEL better! I haven't had a "horrible" headache in 2 weeks! Who would've thought that taking my Doctor's advice, and getting my butt into gear would pay off?? I'm kidding...

Also the other good news is that I have been prescribed Oxygen, and it has been FANTASTIC!!! It really seems to help, and that amazes me. The only issue I see is that I have to catch the pain within the first 2 to 3 minutes. If I do the pain will go away after 15-20 minutes of Oxygen inhalation. If I don't I am in trouble. The pain wont go away, and I am up a creek without a paddle.

T Mobile... Why I Despise Thee...

Ok as you may know, I am a cell phone blogger. Just me and my Sidekick, make this all happen. Well lately all hasn't been going to well with my T-Mobile reception. Since we moved to the country I've been getting NONE! My phone will read "Emergency Calls Only". So that's the reason why I haven't posted.

I called the customer care bimbos, and she didn't know why I wasn't getting reception. Umm huh! That's a hard one right there... Could it be that in the country, there's no CELL PHONE TOWERS?? Jeepers, that's what comes to my mind! What amazes me is she actually workes there and she doesn't even come to that connclusion!!

So, now I have a "technician" comming out to look at my phone. Then they'll diagnose the problem. Wow! Wish I could work for T-Mobile. Seems like a hard job!!

In The Twilight Zone

Yes, ok I'll admit it, I've been lacking in the posting department... but you have to understand being in pain will shut someone down. Especially (like me) for months on end. When I get like that, days just pass, ever so slowly. I haven't the faintest idea what day it is, or what month. It just seems like I am in my own world of life crushing pain. Hence, the Twilight Zone...

So what's been going on for 2 months other than pain?

1. New drug (S)
Go frickin figure!! Lets try #30 on the med count shall we? Does it take effect? Care to take a guess on the outcome? Yup, that was a NO GO. Moving onto # 31... ok fine, at this point its like whatever, another one? SURE!! Somethings got to work sometime right?? I give it a big ol fat NOOOO!!! The new drug, Oxcarbazepine is GIVING me CLUSTERS!! See anything wrong with that?? I do!! But the frickin nuerologist says "Its ok, lets just see in 6 weeks if it stops them from coming." Yeah ok... BITE ME!! Im not taking a drug that gives me MORE daily pain, to see in six weeks if it STOPS it or prevents them. What the fricking hell are these quacks thinking? Do they want me to suffer?? And this is a new doctor too... an overpriced joke.

2.The Move

Without upseting people, and going into detail, we were forced to move. We had less than a months notice to be all out and gone. Awesome! So we packed up a three bedroom house, and moved it into a quaint 1 bedroom. I love it here though! My "landlords" have a hot tub, and a pool that's free game! Ya better believe it I am soaking it up!!

3. Pregnancy Scare

I was on Indomethacin and didn't get my period. So needless to say I was freaked out! If you don't know, a lot of so called "headache" medicines can cause fetal harm. So, I had a blood test on a Friday, and the results wouldn't be in til Monday. Ok that weekend sucked! Not because I didn't wanna be pregnant, but I didn't want there to be harm to the baby. I just kept thinking Id have to have an abortion. Oh! Here comes the greatest part! Hold onto your seats... the nuerologist who ordered the test didn't even call me!! I had to call her, then get the results on that following WEDNESDAY!! Why didn't I see something wrong with them then??

4. Pill Popper

For some reason I can't find anything about this new doctor I like. Here's another reason why I detest these people... THEY ACCUSED ME OF BEING A PILL POPPER!! Hold on, im trying to maintain my sanity here.. I'll explain... As I have stated above, there has been endless drugs (31 of them to be exact) tried and not one has worked in preventing my attacks. So yes, if I am in constant pain, you better believe I rely on pain medication to get me through the tough days. Ok I DON'T take them for MINIMAL PAINS or ALL DAY LONG. I swear on the nearest Bible I still have a bottle of Tylenol #4 from November 2008. So please tell me how I can be an addict?

I take them when the pain is unbearable, and that's all. Got it? Good! I WON'T be going back to see her... this time I mean it!!!!

5. My Own Disease

I saved the best for last.
According to this same nuerologist, I (insert my name here but im not going to) have my own disorder. It seems that I have a vast array of different kinds of headaches all culminated into one miserable person! Yes its true. So needless to say they don't know how to treat me. They're only focusing their attention on the clusters. Which is all fine and dandy with me, but I am in constant pain! Helping the clusters only help half the problem. So what do I do now?

On a sad note..

We have all heard about flight 3407 that crashed outside of Buffalo, NY. Well it definitely comes to close for comfort for me. I live less than an hour from where it happened. My location is straddled by international airports; Rochester to the north, Syracuse to the east, and Buffalo to the west. In my past, I spent many a summer in a small college town south of Buffalo. The best part of the drive, besides seeing my Granmother, was seeing the planes land over the thru-way. Litterally as you are going 65 miles an hour, and if fate has its way, you can see a plane decend and land right over your head. The best part was at night when the runway lights are all lit up. All those times I never thought what if a plane misses the run way and hits the thru-way? I guess I've taken it all for granted. I can't tell you the countless number of times I've driven through that area. I can't tell you the countless times I hear planes overhead descending, slowing their engines, making their way to Rochester. It all seems unreal that this happened in our "back yard." I guess it just goes to show how fragile life is, wether your a known celebrity or not. They are all connected now, lives ended in the blink of an eye. No one to tell about the heroics of the piolet. No one to describe the life ultering experience, and be reunited with loved ones.