Monday, February 27, 2012

Is Empathy Dead?


- noun 1. identification with the feelings of another

I don't know about many other patients with a chronic illness, but isn't empathy what we all need? Whether we're striving for it from someone else, or understanding anothers condition. I sense a lack of empathy in my life. When I tell someone I have headaches, their mind goes right to that cliche.  You know the one I'm talking about... The slight annoying pain you get from a hangover, or from stress. Not the debilitating pain I feel from a day to day basis. I'm not trying to be mean when I say this, but I wish I had another word for my condition.  When someone says "cancer", you know right away what that means. What this person goes through. The empathy is right there, the understanding comes right out. Saying "headache" doesn't bring that type of response. Neither does "migraine".  It may for some people, but in my life, w/ my surrounding people it doesn't!

I just want people to understand me. Accept me for who I am. Not think of me as some kind of outcast. I feel as if I should be thrown away on an island, never to be thought of again. Others treat me with no dignity, like I'm not a human. I'm some sort of animal with a contagious disease. Example, no one hardly asks how I'm doing. I don't know if it's due to the fact they don't care, or if they don't know HOW to ask. Seriously, how hard is it to ask 3 little words?! I know I'm being very bitter, but I'm sick of being sick!! I'm disgusted with others. Why am I not good enough to be asked, "What's up?".

I guess what I'm trying to get at, is everyone has issues. Everyone is fighting something. I just wish people wouldn't be so quick to judge one another. Don't jump to conclusions. If you don't understand something, don't judge it. Ask & I will gladly pour my heart out!!

"Remember this: Nobody has it easy. You never know what people are going through. Every one of us has issues. Everyone is fighting a battle."
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Hello, My Dear Old Friend!!

I asked myself the other day, what used to make me happy? Well my responses were short & I only came up with 2; crocheting & blogging. So a couple weeks ago, I started a crochet binge. Within 10 days I made 3 sock monkeys, a small animal (which I cannot name due to the fact that its a gift) bibs, baby hats, and a pillow pet. Now that I'm happy with my progress with that I knew deep down inside I HAD to start doing my blogging again. So here I am, & please bear w/ me. I have so much to say & my mind is very scattered. So if this comes out very un-organized I'm sorry....

I really can't honestly believe I haven't posted in soo long!! I guess my crappy life caught up with me, & depression took its toll. It sucked me in like a black hole, swallowing me in its entirety. It has been a real struggle trying to release its endless grasp, but today I have poked my head out. Trying to get back to my so-called "normal" life. I haven't seen my true self in over 2 long years!! Today is the beginning of a whole new adventure...

Life has REALLY changed. Still in A LOT of pain. Every single day, w/ no end in sight.Not only do I suffer from the clusters, I also get chronic tension headaches, & trigeminal neuralgia. Trigeminal neuralgia is a nerve disorder that causes a stabbing or electric-shock-like pain in parts of the face. (& overall annoyance!!) I haven't had a pain free day since June 22, 2010. That's quite a loooonnnnggg time to be in constant pain, whether it be all day or half the day! Does anyone else see something wrong with this?! Apparently my doctor isn't too concerned w/ it. "It's all normal for a chronic pain patient to develop more pain". SERIOUSLY?! Not only are my headaches getting worse, but so are my death rates. Aneurysm, heart disease, blood clots... SHEESSHHH!!

I'm still married to the best husband, and still have my little old ladies, Nina & Fudge. We have moved again, this time to a small cottage on a lake! It's peaceful, secluded, and everything I've always wanted!! I can honestly say it's wonderful here. Soothes me with it's views, & quietness.

On the harsher side of things, I'm sick & overall disgusted with doctors & their throwing pills down my throat. They don't want to seem to get the the root of the issue (like what's causing the constant pain) they just want to treat the clusters. Well I'm sorry, you try being me & see how you feel after a week!! I know I have to keep up w/ @ doctor for disability reasons, so I've only been to my general care. She's awesome, but has run out of ideas on how to treat me. Which is understandable, 80 medications is A LOT!! So even though I hate to admit it, sometime down the line (summer) I'm going to have to suck it up, & see a neurologist or a pain specialist just to keep those @ NYS disability happy...

I guess that's all for now. I'm sorry to all that followed this, & I haven't been around. I completely understand if you don't want to anymore... Oh! By the way, my MRI was deemed "un-helpful". It did show my pituitary glad was "enlarged ", but not enough to cause any harm to me, or cause any headaches!! I was so looking forward to that being my diagnosis, but to no avail, I got shot down AGAIN!! Until next time all...

K8 =]