Friday, July 14, 2017

This Just Sucks

What? What you say "sucks"?! This so called prison term, of being thrown into a body with intolerable, horrible, nauseating, PAIN!!! Otherwise known as Life with Chronic Pain. Everyday, all day pain. The kind of pain that asks for a way out, any way out. The kind of pain that keeps you from LIVING. The incessant pain that nags at your soul, penetrating you deep down. Leaving you to believe that this existence is over. This is not the life I wanted. For fucks sake who in their right mind would?! I'd like to think that no "healthy" individual, (Mental or physical) wouldn't even begin to portray this lie (life)... But then again, it takes all kinds. The world is made up of majorly fucked up people...

In essence, I JUST have come off of a massive pain binge. Meaning, the pain was so bad I had to go to the E.R. (How many more times can I say the word pain?!?!) So that was this past Wednesday. I was in dire agony with a severe Trigeminal Neuralgia attack (facial nerve pain), a constant Migraine, Fibromyalgia flair (all over body nerve pain) PLUS my fucking period!! Yeah, I know, too much information... But that's me, so oh well... HAHAHA!!!

This left me raw, damaged & yet thankful. I'm so thankful I didn't listen to the inner demons & end my suffering myself. Say what you will, having such a high amount of pain will entertain your mind to do VERY messed up things. All I ask, is that you don't judge me. We ALL handle our pain, lives & minds differently. What may be normal to me, is chaos to you.

So please if you're thinking judgmentally, leave it there; in your mind. I am dealing with this the only way I know how... By the seat of my pants. I don't have a plan. I don't have a strict set of guidelines to light my way. Does any one?!?!! Yes, we have pain management plans. (How to handle our pain @ home or at the emergency room or even urgent care) But no one knows what this life has for us... I can manage my diet, stress, sleep & still get slammed by some outside source. Like the weather!! I can honestly plan my life around what the humidity, storms etc, have in store. But then again, some others aren't even affected that much by weather. Like I sad, normal for me, chaos for you...

I don't know where I am even going with this. This is my therapy, it helps me get through it all. Quite honestly I am shocked I even got out the laptop & logged in to my blogger account. But then again, I think every thing happens for a reason. If even one person gets something, anything out of this, my mission is complete. I know it helped me!

I cannot say how often I'll be writing. I'd like to start off once a week or so... We'll see, small goals to start off with right?

Please leave me a comment, if the notion strikes you. I'd LOVE to hear what you have to say & hear about your experiences.

As Always,


Anonymous said...

My dearest Kate, I to battle pain fibromyalgia, Epstein Barr Virus, RSD/CRPS though headaches, migraines and all the neurological stuff you suffer with I can't identify with but knowing pain I do understand. I am so sorry that you have so much going on and trying to live life and be a Mom and wife. You have been amazing through it all, thank goodness you didn't listen to those demons and your power is stronger. I think about you often hoping my vibes are felt all these miles apart and you know just how much you are loved. Sending you positive juju and lots of strength. Love you lady bunches and bunches ��������❤��

Anonymous said...

This is from me Bj

Deb R said...

As someone with chronic pain, I completely understand what you are dealing with and I am intimately familiar with the demons you speak of. No one truly understands another person's journey or choices until they have been forced down the same path. Even then, they don't truly understand. Does the father feel the same pain as the mother at the loss of an unborn baby? Do we, as chronic pain warriors understand each other who have different conditions and diseases? I think it depends on each of us individually. Who we are, how well we listen, what our life experiences have been and how everything has shaped us into the person we are today.
My best friend from childhood taught me about chronic pain. She died when she was 31. As I travel on my journey, I understand hers more each day. I also understand yours and all of our friends journeys as well. Peace, love and Light.