Friday, July 13, 2012

Friday The 13th...

I know I never finished the Migraine Awareness Month Blog Challenge... Yes, I feel absolutely horrible about that. Sometimes life intervenes. Or rather pain intervenes!!

This whole month of July seems to be going by so fast. I've been battered with pain. So much so I cannot believe this month is half way over!! Everyday seems to seep into the next, seeming like one endless cycle of pain & discomfort. I hardly know what day of the week it is.

I found out on the 2nd that my beloved doctor of 6yrs is leaving!! She & her fiancee are moving to Georgia!! This sent me right down to a massive panic attack. "You can't leave me!! You know more about me than I do!! How will I EVER find someone so compassionate, so willing to help!!" Life isn't fair for the chronic pain patient...

Then I found out I lost 12 lbs in a month! What in the world is going on?! My eating habits haven't changed, I sure as crap aren't working out!! I was floored. You know chocolate is its own food group right?!

The latest thing weighing me down, is this whole Fibromyalgia diagnosis. I can't seem to accept it. No matter how hard I try, I can't grasp the fact that this is going to be MY LIFE!! Even though I have the pain, medication & Facebook forums staring me right in the face!! Whenever I start to think about it, I have this bonfire in my mind & that image gets thrown into it. I smile so happily at the smoke emanating from its destruction. I know I have to come to terms with it eventually, but my god I don't know when that will be!! My doctor (before she left me!) asked me to try counseling. I'm sorry, this may be my hard headed, stubborn nature kicking in, but no, absolutely not! This is MY life, this is MY body, this is MY pain. This is something I'm going to have to get over MYSELF!! I need to do this for me, on my own time. Don't get me wrong, I ask others for suggestions, & help. But no one that I don't know isn't going to tell me what to do!!
Wow, that was really hard to write... 45 mins just for that little paragraph!

MRI'S. 2 of them. One of my brain, one of spinal cord. Plus a whole crap load of valium. Ok, not a "crap load", but enough to keep me sufficiently numb. This is my new up & coming adventure whenever my Drs office decides to call me back. All in the name of ruling out M.S. Oh happy happy joy joy!!

Yup, my month has been a repetitive Friday the 13th. Everyday a new challenge w/ it's own horror story. I guess I'll have to put on my armour & slay these demons, anyway I know how. Even if it's internally burning mental images!!

*hugs* to all!
K8 =]

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