Hello, My Dear Old Friend!!

I asked myself the other day, what used to make me happy? Well my responses were short & I only came up with 2; crocheting & blogging. So a couple weeks ago, I started a crochet binge. Within 10 days I made 3 sock monkeys, a small animal (which I cannot name due to the fact that its a gift) bibs, baby hats, and a pillow pet. Now that I'm happy with my progress with that I knew deep down inside I HAD to start doing my blogging again. So here I am, & please bear w/ me. I have so much to say & my mind is very scattered. So if this comes out very un-organized I'm sorry....

I really can't honestly believe I haven't posted in soo long!! I guess my crappy life caught up with me, & depression took its toll. It sucked me in like a black hole, swallowing me in its entirety. It has been a real struggle trying to release its endless grasp, but today I have poked my head out. Trying to get back to my so-called "normal" life. I haven't seen my true self in over 2 long years!! Today is the beginning of a whole new adventure...

Life has REALLY changed. Still in A LOT of pain. Every single day, w/ no end in sight.Not only do I suffer from the clusters, I also get chronic tension headaches, & trigeminal neuralgia. Trigeminal neuralgia is a nerve disorder that causes a stabbing or electric-shock-like pain in parts of the face. (& overall annoyance!!) I haven't had a pain free day since June 22, 2010. That's quite a loooonnnnggg time to be in constant pain, whether it be all day or half the day! Does anyone else see something wrong with this?! Apparently my doctor isn't too concerned w/ it. "It's all normal for a chronic pain patient to develop more pain". SERIOUSLY?! Not only are my headaches getting worse, but so are my death rates. Aneurysm, heart disease, blood clots... SHEESSHHH!!

I'm still married to the best husband, and still have my little old ladies, Nina & Fudge. We have moved again, this time to a small cottage on a lake! It's peaceful, secluded, and everything I've always wanted!! I can honestly say it's wonderful here. Soothes me with it's views, & quietness.

On the harsher side of things, I'm sick & overall disgusted with doctors & their throwing pills down my throat. They don't want to seem to get the the root of the issue (like what's causing the constant pain) they just want to treat the clusters. Well I'm sorry, you try being me & see how you feel after a week!! I know I have to keep up w/ @ doctor for disability reasons, so I've only been to my general care. She's awesome, but has run out of ideas on how to treat me. Which is understandable, 80 medications is A LOT!! So even though I hate to admit it, sometime down the line (summer) I'm going to have to suck it up, & see a neurologist or a pain specialist just to keep those @ NYS disability happy...

I guess that's all for now. I'm sorry to all that followed this, & I haven't been around. I completely understand if you don't want to anymore... Oh! By the way, my MRI was deemed "un-helpful". It did show my pituitary glad was "enlarged ", but not enough to cause any harm to me, or cause any headaches!! I was so looking forward to that being my diagnosis, but to no avail, I got shot down AGAIN!! Until next time all...

K8 =]

I AM SCARED!!!

I wrote in a comment to "Winny Ninny Poo Poo" that I was scared... and you know what I AM!! DEATHLY!!! I have no idea what is in store for me until after the 2nd MRI on the begining of March. I don't know about treatment, NADA!!! I'VE BEEN LEFT OUT IN THE DARK ON MY OWN HEALTH ISSUE!!! I AM SORRY BUT I FIND SOMETHING SEVERLY WRONG WITH THAT!!! Although I do understand the doctors point of view, not worth knowing until we know whats wrong.... BUT STILL!!! Im freaking out more NOT KNOWING that if I had some inclination as to what might be in store.... I don't know, im just rambling now....

Ah Maybe a Diagnosis???

Well I know it has been a long time since I have done this,it hasn't been fun being me lately. constant pain, all day or most of the day... YAY!!!

I finally had an MRI done on December 22nd 2009. Just this past week I got the results... an enlarged Pituitary Gland. I don't know yet if its a tumor, a growth, or just a large gland. I will find out in March, as I have to go for another MRI.

I hope to GOD this is the answer I have been looking forward to!! Something to cause my pain, instead of the doctors saying "I don't know whats wrong with you". I know that sounds sick, but I hope this can all be managed. I'm ready for whatever needs to be done; surgery, chemo, WHATEVER!!!

!!!!!KEEPING MY FINGERS CROSSED!!!!

I AM SOO SOORRYY!!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!! (that is my crazy old lady Fudge)

I know, I know I haven't been the best blogger lately... I'm not going to make excuses either. I'll just tell you the truth. I have been in this downward spiral of depression. I got that way because every time I go to the doctor I have a new ailment, or issue to overcome. I have exhausted all medical treatments. (meaning drugs)Basically, I have been on every freaking headache drug there is, and my doctor told me "I don't know what to do next." I tried to find a pain management doctor, but lo and behold ALL THE DOCTORS IN MY AREA DON'T TAKE MY INSURANCE!!! See why I get a Lil frustrated?? I would have to drive 2 hours away, and wait 6 months for an appointment... GRRR!!!

Not only that but I haven't been feeling all to well either. Chronic headaches stink, and I don't wish them on my worst enemy. Wait, maybe I do....;-)

Anyway, I've been OK lately. Trying to stay positive, and thinking good thoughts. Its been rough 3 years, but I know there is something out there that will help, there HAS TO BE!!!

I wanted to say a huge THANK YOU to all of you that read this, comment, send me your well wishes, or anyone out there that goes through this. It highly encourages me to keep this up, and brightens an other what gloomy day. I wanted to do this for that reason alone; to find other people like me, and to share the "inside" scoop. I promise I'll be back!!!

I"ve Been Ok...

I have been dealing the best I can lately. Been lumping around the house, doing the usual cleaning, and crocheting. I've also kept up with the swimming. (as long as the weather holds out!) It has been a really cold summer, only one day above 90 degrees!! Lately we haven't even broke 80, and rain, rain, RAIN!!

Anyway, I went to my general care practitioner on Friday. I got so upset about being in pain for 4 weeks straight!! Sometimes constant all day pain, then others lighter, and starting after 6pm. So lo and behold... PREDNISONE!! (the dreaded steroid) Yup 16 days on that... eating and drinking everything in sight!! Also my doctor decided to try anti depressants. That's the only road I haven't gone down, drug wise.

MY FINGERS ARE CROSSED!!!

End Of the Road!!!

With everything I have been going through the past 2 almost 3 years, my motivation for treatment is really starting to fade. I feel like I am at the end of the road, with no turn off for help visible. I hate telling people, "I don't work. I'm on disability." Telling people why is the hardest... "Oh it is just a headache" is the response I get ALL THE TIME! Ummm, actually no. It isn't JUST A HEADACHE!!!! They never seem to realize that and think I am just using the system.


I don't know whats wrong with me. I guess I am just still overwhelmed, and under appreciated. I'm scared most of all that I'll have to live with this condition for the rest of my life with no help in sight. I feel like I'll be in constant pain for many years to come...

So I guess this is just another bump in my long road, I'll get over it. I know so! :) Until next tuesday.....

Exercise Me

Well its official! I have finally gotten my butt into gear, and finally started an exercise regime. I am so excited!!! I'll be blunt, I am not skinny by any means. I am a big girl and always have been for as long as I can remember. I don't think I am obese, but yet I've got a few extra pounds. I am almost 5 foot 9, and a size 16. You get my drift now...

Like I have stated before, I recently moved at the end of March. With this fabulous new apartment, I have the access to an in ground pool. Well, that it just heavenly to me!! ok, ok, back on track here.... I have been swimming my little heart out, every day that it gets over 70 degrees. (also the water temperature has something to do with it too!) I basically get out all of my frustrations, and do laps. Its something I have never pictured my self doing! But somehow I just DO it!

The best part is (other than already loosing 10 pounds!) is that I FEEL better! I haven't had a "horrible" headache in 2 weeks! Who would've thought that taking my Doctor's advice, and getting my butt into gear would pay off?? I'm kidding...

Also the other good news is that I have been prescribed Oxygen, and it has been FANTASTIC!!! It really seems to help, and that amazes me. The only issue I see is that I have to catch the pain within the first 2 to 3 minutes. If I do the pain will go away after 15-20 minutes of Oxygen inhalation. If I don't I am in trouble. The pain wont go away, and I am up a creek without a paddle.